waiting..............

I'm waiting to get better or get DLA.....mind you if I just get a bit better, then I will still not be very well but my chances of getting DLA would go down.

On top of my usual symptoms I have had some sort of infection...flu-like with a v sore throat....felt like tonsillitis [of which I have a great deal of experience]. Went to doc's on Weds as he wanted to see me [was concerned about me and wanted to see how change in meds went] and he had a look down my throat and was of the opinion I was on the mend, so we both agreed not to have any anti-biotics prescribed.

I'm struggling with the stairs a lot and I now can't go up on all fours as I can't seem to bend and also, I suppose with putting on a lot of weight, I haven't the strength to push myself back up to vertical.

I missed Christmas and new year...it all went by in a blur.  I didn't feel like celebrating and didn't have the energy anyway, then the flu like illness descended and that was it.  I also lost my voice but tbh you wouldn't have known as I am talking much less these days....I think Stew prefers me quiet :)

He's been trying to see if he can make an appointment at the CAB to discuss my DLA claim but no luck....advisors are all busy....so he may have a day off in the week and we'll go down and wait.....not what I wanted but whatever!

Stew has had a bad cold all over Christmas but he worked every day .....some lucky people get time off  LOL!  He got a turkey instead :)  Hopefully  he will get a bonus but am doubting it will be much as it's a % and he's on low rate, reduced hours....and suspect the Tax Credits people will want to know too.

I've still not opened a single Christmas card that we received.  I didn't send any at all...and feel guilty but I honestly didn't have the energy and we are trying hard to economise.....we didn't buy any presents at all but I promised my grandsons a bit of cash but not seen them with being so ill.  I don't feel up to the journey yet either.

Things feel pretty intolerable atm and I am at a very low ebb but in my usual style, I try to find humour in everything...........it's been very difficult.  I make the effort for others but in my heart I feel like giving up....I won't but I feel like it so it is a constant battle.

Have done this typing in bits as my hands are cold, achey and shaky.

Resisting the temptation to delete this post but feeling guilty if anyone reads it.  I don't want to feel judged, pitied, worried about or to make people think that they need to cheer me up or find solutions as I really don't feel I can do any more than I am atm.

It just helps to write things down sometimes.