What's it all about?

The first time I was diagnosed with depression I realised it was not the first time I had been depressed but the first time that someone had told me that it wasn't "normal" to feel the way I felt.  I had been a depressed child...a fearful, anxious child who never understood what was going on...I just followed like a sheep and hoped I was doing the right thing and no-one was going to shout at me.  At infant school I was regularly humiliated and told off and I just became more fearful of doing something that would bring about a punishment...for a crime I didn't understand.  I withdrew into myself.  I was always quiet and shy from being tiny...I now think this was just the same thing...... I didn't understand the world.    I always wanted to grow up because I thought I would understand it all then............but I never really have.  I fear now that I will just slide into dementia never really understanding.