DLA

Am in the process of applying for DLA.  The form is complicated and depressing.  It's complicated because no matter how disabled you may be, if you don't fill it in "properly" you will be turned down.  It is depressing because it is so negative....all the things you can't do.....and if you succeed in getting the benefit, you know you are a "disabled" person....maybe you would like to just think you are a person with a condition that makes life a bit more challenging than for others.

I've trawled the internet for guides [that I don't have to pay for] and have read forums and blogs and anything else that may help.  Friends and other people who have experience of claiming have given me help and advice.  I'm still struggling with the fact that I am eligible for this benefit but part of me still doesn't feel as if I am "worthy" of it.  I wish I would just wake up in the morning and be "normal" ..............mind you at 58 and with no real work experience since 1973 [apart from a few months "permitted" work a few years ago] and even with my 4 O levels and 7 CSEs, it's unlikely that I would find myself a job in the current climate....it would be nice wouldn't it.....just to get up in the morning and have a real purpose?

At present I am feeling very bad.  I can hardly walk at all and don't want to go out anyway cos I feel agoraphobic but don't want to stay in cos I am stir crazy.  The stairs are a major problem...luckily my IBS is in a "constipated" mode............think it may be the *new* antidepressants.  Don't want to eat but managing to get myself drinks and biscuits or maybe even toast, during the day if Tom isn't available.  Stew is doing main meals.  Housework is piling up cos they don't really know how to do it and I am too tired to even think about it.  Money is very tight and Stew is stressed about his job.  We're all stressed....about our own stuff and everyone else's stuff too :(

Had a lovely week with Sarah who is struggling with the "black dog" too as well as her ankle....so when we went out, she was on her crutches and I was pushed in a wheelchair by either Sophie or Sarah's Mum Janet......so depressing :(

This month has seen my Dad's 101st birthday and Bethany's 31st.............................I don't think I will ever get used to them not being here.

Ah well................I'm off for a rest.....................can't type much at a time [have had to take breaks doing this post] and after a while I get so uncomfortable that I need to go and sit in another chair or lie down.......I am so weary now that I feel like going to bed :(

Wonder how long it will be till I write again and what I will have to say ..............hmmmmm